Eight years of bliss. That’s how I would describe our marriage. We also experience the occasional ups and down from time to time ~ but these are mostly figments of my inner drama queen or brought about by my hormonal self. EVERY.FREAKIN’.MONTH.
You can call me crazy. Thank you very much. But let me get on with my story first.
I used to be very grumpy and snotty. I was headstrong and highstrung. My mother will be the first to tell you that. I make it a point to give everyone a piece of my mind especially those who I think deserve it ~ even if it meant breaking up friendships and whatnot and eventually losing people in my life. I didn’t care. I always felt the need to be heard and to be right. I was advocating women empowerment anyway.
Then I met The Husband. I was 24, this was at a time when my temper was at its worst and my arrogance was at its peak. I easily snapped at people. I was condescending of people who I felt were not smart enough. I was generally disrespectful. And yet, there came this guy who was not intimidated at all. He was calm and collected. He had this quiet confidence in him that told me he can deal with my inner Gabriela while still respecting my views on life and feminism. He fell in love with me, pursued me and made me fall in love with him also.
One random day, we decided to take this psychological online test just for fun. There was one particular question that struck me. It was about how one will deal when you start losing cookies in your labeled cookie jar in the office. Even theoretical questions like this push my buttons. My response was obvious. I chose “I’d make sure I find out who the sneaky thief is and will give him/her a piece of my mind, even bring it to HR if necessary.”
I then peeked at The Husband’s (then boyfriend) response and it went along the lines of “I will make sure to offer the cookies to my officemates next time so they need not steal or get from the jar without my permission.”
That was a lightbulb moment for me. There I was, whose greatest dream in life back then was to be a volunteer worker in South Africa, but wasn’t living my advocacy in my own, real world. That (and more!) was my signal that this man was husband material.
Can I also share a gross but unforgettable moment while I was visiting The Boyfriend’s (The Husband now) house. We were just bf-gf then. There was a party at their house I think. Unfortunately, my dysmenorrhea was so bad on that day that I puked and pooped (Goodlord!) in their bathroom and then fainted. Noel who was just then a boyfriend, cleaned up my mess without even flinching, cleaned me up as well, gave me meds and massaged my arms and legs to soothe the pain away. That kind of sealed the deal. Or the fact that he has seen me at my worst and I can’t just kill him and annihilate him from the Earth, right? Kiddiiiiiing 😉
When people who don’t personally know The Husband would ask me to describe his traits, I’d always say something like “He’s not your typical Filipino guy” and they’d look at me like I said something gibberish. When I say not typical, let me count the ways:
1. The Husband is not fond of drinking and/or going out with friends. His social circle is limited to his college barkada who are all dedicated family men. When they do meet up, wives and children are always tagged along. Yes, boring. Hahaha. Now that The Husband started working for a new company, I am encouraging him to go out and join his teammates/colleagues when they go out. He needs it in his life.
2. We are still childless after 8 years of marriage. We are not on birth control that’s for sure and we do it. ALL THE TIME. Hahaha. Some people will inevitably comment on the childless-ness: some are just concerned citizens, some are just curious while the others are downright insensitive and rude. But in any of these, I have never felt any form of insecurity from The Husband even when rude people try to question his manhood, he easily shrugs it off. The Husband loves children and I know he wants to be a dad someday but he never made me feel like it’s an issue or a serious concern in this marriage. I even remember a time when I almost teared up because I overheard him responding to a colleague’s question about our plans of conceiving. He said “If it’s meant to be, it will happen. I love my wife and I am happy she still gets to enjoy all the things that she loves to do like traveling, reading and writing. That can all change when we already have a child.” He is not aware that I eavesdropped on that conversation. Up to this freaking day. I, for one is a different story altogether. I never really dreamed of motherhood and I don’t envy women who are. But we’ll see when we get there.
3. While most men are used to not doing any household chores at home, The Husband, sees to it that we share the chores but he mostly does the cooking, washing dishes, hanging and ironing clothes etc. His love language is service so I have been living like a princess (he calls me Queen btw coz princess sounds like a damsel in distress which he says is so not me) for 8 years now.
Being with The Husband for the last 12 years (dating included) has made me believe in love again, made me trust that there are still men of honor out there. I came from a family where my parents’ marriage is not exactly healthy. Must be because they married young ~ you know a lot of fighting and bickering at home mostly because of infidelity from my dad’s end and/or persistent nagging from my mom. It made me wary of marriage and of men. I guess that is where all my angst and feistiness were coming from.
But after a few years of being in an environment that consistently exhibited love and respect, I began to notice that my temper has eased up, my anger management issues have subsided, my judgemental self has slowly been replaced by a more emphatic one and that I have slowly transformed to a calmer, happier and kinder version of myself. My emotions do not control me now. Well except for that time of the month. My parents are also happier and more respecting of each other now. I’d like to think they got that from us. Hahaha.
But I guess what’s even more amazing is in all those 8 years, I have never felt that The Husband loved me any less or loved me more at any stage in our marriage. His love was always steadfast and unconditional. And that is what I am deeply thankful for.
I wrote this post to find a spot in the world wide web where I can let the whole world know how immensely grateful I am for finding a man like my husband ~ not to brag but just to inspire.
You know when I was young, I wished for a smart husband, someone I can have intelligent conversations with until I’m old and gray. The Lord gave me just that (The Husband knows Greek and Roman mythology more than I do, is King of Trivia and is armed with Math, MS Excel and even gaming skills to boot – a certified geek! His written grammar is also flawless, no jeje text coming from my man unless he intends to annoy me).
But more than blessing me with a man who has a good head on his shoulders, I think the Lord felt like I needed a man with a good heart as well. The Husband was the vehicle for the positive change that needed to happen in my life.
Okay, that wraps up my drama for the year 😉
I am also sharing the below FB app game that accurately depicts our personalities. I couldn’t agree more. Walang basagan ng trip. Hahaha.
Well, that most recent blog post was not what I expected my comeback post would be. It sounded rather negative and whiny. Emotionally charged, yes, but in a bad way. Apologies.
So, I stopped blogging a year ago. I stopped writing altogether. The pressure and workload in the office left me with little or no time to write. I won’t say it’s all bad. It was actually a mix of both – good and bad. I had to focus on the groups that I was managing and step up to my leadership role in the organization. Oh, that was tough. But I was also able to travel for free because of work – to Singapore in November 2016 and to London (again!) in April 2017. This most recent London trip gave me the chance to reconnect with a friend who works for our client. I got to explore and enjoy more of London this time because of her company. I thank God for these opportunities. In-between I also had a personal travel with family back in March. My long-time project of bringing my parents to Hong Kong for their birthday finally materialized and I couldn’t be any happier. It might be normal for most families but for us who come from the working class, it’s quite an achievement. It’s definitely the highlight of this year for me. The Husband and I are also looking forward to our anniversary trip to Singapore this November. Thank you 2017!
But even with a lot of things going on in my life, I still wasn’t writing. Then something happened a few days ago and because I got so frustrated, I picked up the proverbial “pen” and blogged again. I opened up, shared my emotions, told my story and it felt liberating.
It’s a start. I think I found my rhythm again.
I have been planning on doing a Pampanga food trip for the longest time now. It finally happened last month and rightfully so ‘cause it’s been long overdue.
I was with my folks. It was a pretty good time spent with mom and dad except that we decided to ride the bus instead of bringing a car and we ended up in a bus that’s bound for Olongapo City instead of our supposed destination, Angeles City (which is considered as Pampanga’s culinary capital). Continue reading “Random Road Trip Series: Angeles City, Pampanga Edition”
This past weekend was one of the best family vacations we ever had.
We stayed in this exquisite bed & breakfast place called The Coffee Farmhouse where we spent the most amazing weekend. This place reminded me so much of my grandparents’ home in the province which brought back a lot of happy memories of my childhood years. Continue reading “Paradise On Earth – The Coffee Farmhouse”
I found myself traveling to Pangasinan over the weekend. Solo.
I’ve missed my friend, Sasha, so much that I decided to hop on a bus and take the 5-hour trip to her hometown. She and her adorable little munchkin of a baby recently moved back to her parents’ place in the province. I haven’t seen them for a few months now and I wanted to spend some time with them. Continue reading “Hey Soul Sister”
I’m not sure if it’s true for everyone but I think the older we get the more we tend to have a carefully curated set of girl friends. Gone are the days when peer pressure dictates that the more girl friends we have, the more popular we are.
Now that I’m in my 30s, I have a small group of girl friends that I choose to invest my time and emotions in. They are the “constants” in my life whether it’s a night out (which rarely ever happens now), catch ups over coffee, lunch dates, milk tea dates or movie dates. It’s great that we have diverse types of personalities but there’s also another thing that binds us – the love for random travels. Continue reading “Random Road Trip Series: Pinto Art Museum, Antipolo Edition”
The best travels I have had are mostly with my sisters. They’re my bffs, my soulmates.
We can always find a good travel buddy in our acquaintances, friends and office mates but nothing beats family. When traveling with other people, there’s always that risk of running into conflicting travel styles and dealing with attitude problems to some extent. I’m not saying my sisters are perfect travel companions but we can always argue, agree to disagree, and still love each other in the end. LOL. So yes, if there are people I would take all my vacations with – these will be my sisters (and The Husband, baka magselos eh. Hahaha).