A Love Letter To My Lolo & Lola (Grandpa & Grandma)

To my dearest Lolo & Lola,

How are you both? I pray that you are happy and well. You know I dreamed about you last night. You were saying something to me but I cannot hear you. All I remember was you were both smiling at me then you walked away. I would like to believe that you showed up in my dream because you missed me and you wanted to see me. There will never be enough words to describe how much I have missed you too. It’s been years since you left but I guess I would never really get used to it. Time will make the pain a bit easier to deal with but every time I remember you or dream about you, I still end up crying.

I’m sorry I won’t be able to visit you today or even tomorrow. Work has to come first again. I know I have made the mistake of prioritizing my career and my studies over spending time with you when you were still alive. Yet I am doing it again. I am deeply sorry. But I promise to visit you as soon as I can.

And even with all my shortcomings and broken promises I know you still love me. So I just want to say thank you Lolo & Lola.

Thank you for creating a deep, loving relationship with me when I was still a child; for sharing with me the things you love and at the same time learning about the things/hobbies I’m interested in; for spending joyful memories with me; and for teaching me valuable lessons in life.

Thank you for telling me about our family history, for instilling in me the love for words and all things written, for taking care of me when I was sick, and for letting me snuggle under your armpits during bedtime 🙂

Thank you because you were there to see me through my formative years as a child; you were there to appreciate the magic of my young & developing mind and most of all thank you because you were there when I needed you the most.

I will forever carry these wonderful memories in my heart. And I want to let you know that I remember you. That you’re both in my heart and in my mind everyday.

When I become a mother myself, I will make sure that my kids get to know you both and I will make certain that your legacy will live on in their minds and in their hearts. Because I want them to love you and appreciate you as much as I do.

I love you Lolo & Lola. I always will.

Your loving grandchild,

Some Good Friends Never Last…But Most Of Them Do

I had my first “best friend” when I was in 2nd grade. Her name’s Maricel. She was thin, tall and had wavy hair. I can’t remember how and when exactly our friendship started. We just found ourselves talking to each other one day and soon after started calling each other best friend. I cannot pinpoint what precisely it was that I liked in her but we really hit it off . Oh wait, we share the same passion for reading and writing and we were both introverts back then. That must be it.

I’m Back! And I’ve Been Tagged :)

I’ve been blogging for years but I’ve never really given much thought about this tagging/meme thing. Truth is I am a bit clueless how this thing works and I’m too lazy to figure it out either.

But hey, I just came back from an almost three-week trip and I still can’t think of another decent topic to write about.

Another thing, the person who tagged me was Sasha, who happens to be a very good friend of mine. And friends don’t ignore each other’s tag right? 😉

But before we get down to business, here are the rules of this game:

1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

Here are Sasha’s Question:

1. What will you do to celebrate your next birthday?

I’m thinking of going out of the country with the husband if our schedule permits. Otherwise we can go someplace nearer (one that does not require long hours of airplane ride) but still special.

2. What was the last thing you thought about before bed last night?

I was thinking about my crush. I have this huge crush on my new British boss. Uhm, I know it’s bad and it’s unhealthy and my husband (whose very understanding) just might get upset already but I’m only being honest 😉

3. What makes you unique?

I’ve always thought of myself as a fighter. I might come across as feisty to most people but that’s me, take it or leave it. I’m no pushover but I don’t pick fights either. I just make sure that I stand up for what is right without offending a lot of people along the way.

4. What puts you in a good mood and bad mood?

Good food, desserts(!), shopping, reading a good book and spending time with the husband–these things never fail to put me in a good mood.  And of course thinking about my crush (it’s always about him these days. Lol)

Meanwhile, I’m such in a bad/crappy mood when I’m hungry. And every time I overhear nonsensical conversations (I know it’s not my business to listen but what can I do when their voices are too loud??). 

5. I like the smell of a rugby (contact cement. uhuh.) and an unlit cigarette (I do not smoke though).  What weird smell do you like?

The smell of soil after a heavy rain. It intoxicates me in a good way. And also the smell of newly bought clothes from shops/malls. I wanna know what brand of fabric conditioner they’re using coz I want one too! Lol

6. How old would you be if you don’t know how old you are?

25 years old. And I’m sticking with that age!

7. This question got me thinking – I am actually settling for what I am currently doing with my life.  My relationship with this ‘boy’ if you call it a relationship is not actually what I dreamed of, sadly.  How about you?  Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

If there’s something that I’m kind of settling for, it may be my job. I’ve been working in a totally different industry since 2005 and I am not able to practice my real profession (I’m a chemist) so there were a lot of what-ifs and could-have-beens on my mind when I was just starting out in my current job.

My being underemployed (so to speak) is difficult to deal with sometimes especially because I did so well (as a student) while in the university and my peers are kind of expecting (I think) that I would have earned my PhD by this time.

But honestly, I’m a lot happier in my current job than when I was practicing my real profession and I believe it’s all that matters.

8.  What are your rules when it come to relationships?

I am pragmatic when it comes to romantic relationships. I’m the kind of girl who only loves wholeheartedly when I can sense that the guy is really into me. Otherwise, I put a safe distance between me and that person so that I could easily let go when the relationship suddenly turns sour. Haha!

With friends and families, there are no strict rules. I can always go on a compromise with them.

9.  Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? Hahaha!  I do.

No. I don’t think there’s a need. And I don’t like elevator rides. Really.

10.  What is your take on getting married for love and for practicality?

For me getting married should always be 50% love and 50% practicality. When I married my husband, it was a good thing that I was physically attracted to him and I love him for who he is.

But I also had to gauge if he and I have the same vision in life. And if he can be a good husband and father as well (read: responsible and self-made).

I don’t believe that love conquers all. Marriage is an investment– emotionally, physically, spiritually and heck(!) even financially. So one should really choose WISELY.

11.  What is your take when it comes to women who have sex but no strings attached?

Honestly, I don’t condemn women who have sex with no strings attached. For as long as they don’t hurt other people in the process then it’s their own business to deal with. To each his own.

Now here are my questions:

1. What scares you the most and why?

2. What do you do in your free time?

3. Do you like chocolate?

4. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love?

5. If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish?

6. What was the last thing you ate?

7. Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why?

8. What makes you bored?

9. How often do you go online? and why?

10. When was the last time you lied and to whom and why?

11. Tell me about someone you really admire.

The people I tagged:

1. Jhan

2. Leah

3. Renxkyoko

4. Pseudo Shrink

5. Suyen

6. Telle

7. Urban Dai

8. Derdo

9. Pudding Girl

10. Atsushi and Marjorie

11. Morning Erection

XOXO,

To The Man Who Makes My Heart Skip A Beat

To my dearest husband,

When I was younger I dreamt of having a poet or a writer for a husband (quite an ironic introduction I have here. Haha!). I wanted a guy who is good with words, someone who will give me all the romantic love letters in the world; someone who will promise me the moon and the stars.

Then I met you, someone whose idea of a love letter is limited to a short e-mail/SMS and someone who never believes in giving birthday cards (albeit very generous in giving gifts. Hehe) and does not believe in sending snail mails. My dream went kaput. And I told myself, you are the exact opposite of my dream man.

But I figured, I’d still give it a shot. After all, it couldn’t be that bad because you’re able to make me laugh (not to mention you’re intelligent and handsome) and you never fail to put a smile on my face. Truth is, the best laughs I ever had were of your crafting and I can not even begin to count the number of times you’ve made me laugh until I’ve held my stomach gasping for air. I love your sense of humor and I treasure all of the laughs we’ve shared and will still be sharing.

A year ago, we decided to make things official. We decided to get married! I remember that special day, our wedding day, when we stood in front of our family & friends and recited our vows that have more meaning to me now than they ever could have meant then.

Why?

Because it turned out that after all, YOU are in fact the man of my dreams. How could I have not known that from the very start?

You are the first to comfort me when things go wrong.

You are the first to hold me when I’m afraid.

You take care of me when I’m sick and I’m cranky.

You lift up my spirit when I start to doubt myself and my capabilities.

You are the one who understands and keeps up with my mood swings and temper tantrums.

You are the one who cheers me up when my hormones are acting up (which is every month!).

You never fail to reassure me that I am still beautiful even with my recent pimple breakout (I just have to say that. Lol)

and most of all;

You are my number one fan.

And although you also have your bad days (yes you have), like messing up our room (always) and being stuck in front of the computer (most days) playing your favorite online games, I appreciate that you always stop with whatever you’re busy with and listen to what I have to say. You constantly give me the feeling that I am always on top of your priorities.

For me, you are the epitome of a real man; my dream man. You have the quiet strength of a man who doesn’t need his brawns to prove his might. That for me is real courage.

On the surface, you may seem to be just your usual funny self, but deep down inside is a man who is wise beyond his years. I respect your wisdom & objectivity and I am inspired by your generosity.

And more than anything, I want you to know that I love you for who you are — more than words, more than life. You are not only a wonderful husband, you are also a terrific friend, lover and soul mate.

I thank you for all the things you are to me. I only wish I am also the same to you. Thank you for always being there for me. I never had second thoughts about your devotion to me. I am certain that no matter what happens, you’ll stick it out with me through thick and thin. I know I would.

I am confident in pursuing the things that I believe in because I know I always have your back. I will forever be grateful for your unconditional love.

I’m excited to think about all the memories we’ve made and are still going to make. I’m looking forward to the love between us that keeps growing as the years go by. When we’re old and dying (I am morbid like that. Lol), I would like to think back and reminisce all the promises we’ve made and I hope we’d be able to keep all if not most of them.

I want you to know that if given a second chance, I’d still choose you, I’d still choose us.

I love you and I love the way you love me.

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary Baby!

I am proud to be your wife 🙂

XOXO,

Losing Yourself In Love

About a week or so, I have raved about this body spray called “So In Love” and just today my  husband subtly told me that he didn’t like the scent and told me he’d buy me another bottle of perfume just so I would change the scent I am wearing.

I would have gotten excited at the prospect of buying a new perfume but honestly, I felt sad and confused.  I sweetly told him No and that I would consume the whole bottle first before I consider wearing a new scent again. To some this matter may be trivial and petty but for me it spells a whole lot more. My husband sensitive as he is told me he respects my decision and did not argue with me further.

While I believe that compromise is a necessary ingredient in marriage, denying myself of the things that I want/like just to please my husband is not part of that compromise. Of course, I would have given in to his request if he is allergic to the scent because that means compromising my husband’s health which is a totally different matter.

I am in love and I am prepared to do my best to make it last but I do not want to lose myself in the process. My choices of perfumes, clothes, food, movies and the likes are things that define me as a person and I am not ready to change that. My 28 years of existence have moulded me to become the person that I am now and I’m glad that my husband respects that.

You see I have this girl friend who fell head-over-heels for her boyfriend and really that is not a bad thing. But then she started planning her every single activity with her boyfriend and suddenly her whole world revolved on simply pleasing and spending time with her boyfriend. She gave up her hobbies, her passion, and her craft just because her boyfriend feels that these would interfere with their relationship. She has totally adapted to her boyfriend’s lifestyle, learned to defend his views and even began to act and talk like him. I witnessed her change from her old self to the one that her boyfriend approved of. This all-consuming relationship had sucked the life out of my friend, yet she was the last to notice. For her, this relationship was perfect. I do not want to condemn my friend and if her relationship with her boyfriend is something that makes her happy then I let her be. Live and let live, that is my mantra.

But I wouldn’t deny that what she’s doing to herself deeply saddens me. So, how do you really love wholeheartedly without losing yourself? In my own perspective, giving in to love does not mean losing yourself. Rather, love should teach you to become a better human being not change you to become a person you are not. It is important that you bring your personal identity and style into your relationship. Ultimately, love is always a choice and you always have to be ready about the consequences that love brings.

XOXO,